but im kind of glad you are going on holidays for so long so i can have some time to forgot how you make me feel right now. i am so keen for everything to go back to how it was before but i think it might be good to spend some time apart. even if its just so i can forget about how crap you make me feel sometimes. i know this probably just means im running away from the situation instead of dealing with it properly, even though im not the one who is leaving, but im okay with this right now, and i dont know if i have the energy to deal with it any other way before you leave.

i feel really bad and guilty for feeling this way about one of my best friends, but like if there wasnt an issue, i wouldnt feel this way. i shouldnt have to feel bad about it. and i shouldnt have to feel bad about not bringing up it/being completely honest because youre the one who doesnt talk about it in the first place? im ultimately going to miss you because youll be gone for so long, but, i mean, we hardly talk right now so theres not much to miss.