October 2009
i fucked up.
big time.
i dont know what to do.
im not ready to accept it yet so i wont go into details but you have given me hope it will get better.
i have another doctors appointment tomorrow. not keen.
i think we have a winner.
10 episodes of gilmore girls in one afternoon/night. and somehow i dont feel guilty or bad about it haha.
LOL @ suddenly remembering i had $120 in my back pocket.
fuck.
i feel sick to my stomach. im going to the doctors in about 20 minutes and i semi feel like im going to throw up.
i cant get my head around it, but here goes:
i think i might have depression.
even typing that is so hard, i cant imagine how saying it is going to be. im about to cry but i dont want to actually show up at the doctors being like that.
thats all i can even manage to write. i just...
i wish
you can keep memories alive through photos, you can keen msn conversations, text messages, any object, just store it away and one day when you least expect it, find it in the depths of the cupboard and relive the memories. but all i really want to do is keep the smells. the smells of every boy that once meant anything or nothing. just keep them in a jar and be able to remember them any time. items...
all up in my head
and he says what im thinking is all wrong, and i cant figure out what is right.
i was going to talk to you tonight but thought maybe you’d want none of me so i didnt. is this one of those times where i am wrong or right? what if i am always wrong.
im scared, im so scared. but its still all building up.
I DONT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING.
FUCK WHAT DO I DO?
:)
had dinner like an hour ago and now im hungry again SO BREAD TIEM weeeeee how exciting !
1 tag
dev
been feeling like eating one of the many delicious breadrolls sitting on my kitchen bench for the past hour or so but keep being lazy and not getting up. and now its too close to dinner time to eat, wah.
i look like a douche here. but black hair now ! hair is short now but serves me right for not getting a haircut since last year and getting werst dead ends.
university.
only four weeks left plus exams, but so keen to just roll over to the uni website and drop out of all my classes. i remember making jokes in a biomed lab about our dna gels about how delicious they looked and making them into some kind of jelly/gel wrestling. i used to be in love with biomed. then i just loved it. now i still kind of like it but dont want to break up with it, because i dont want...
“I almost wish we were butterflies and lived but three summer days. Three such...”
– Bright Star film. Work gets ridiculously boring, enough that I have to memorise quotes to movies that are equally, if not more ridiculous. ie. THIS MOVIE LOOKS RIDIC.
LIFE LESSONS
Kiara: (some shit that didnt make sense)
Me: You used horrible logic there...
Kiara: Who needs logic when you have looks?
Me: Looks mean nothing if you dont put out, lil sis.
holladays.
uni is rank, so keen to drop out.
rank is the worst word.
i want to go away for a while, just escape :)
last night
crying in a gutter outside fanny’s: BEST.
ahah see what that place reduces me to.
free drinks though :)
tonight
i liked myself.
1 tag
TOO LATE.
so i figured it was time to share a bit more about myself, to absolutely no one in particular.
1. i wear socks during sex. its weird but in winter its the least you can do to get warm while fucking, apart from fucking. assuming you get naked…
2. i just reacquainted myself with armor for sleep. i discovered this band when in year eight, so five years ago. wow. it was probably the first...
“in omnia peratus”
– life and death brigade
September 2009
